How Quilting Taught Me to Choose Love Over Resentment
This all started with quilting.
A few years ago, I set a personal goal: try to enjoy every part of the quilting process. Some parts were easy — fabric shopping, block piecing, binding. Some were much harder (basting, and that final long seam that feels like it will never end). But something unexpected happened when I committed to this mindset. I didn’t suddenly love every step, but I started to understand the value of each one. Every step had a purpose, and every step contributed to the finished quilt. That shift made quilting feel more positive, more intentional, and honestly, more joyful.
At the beginning of 2025, as I was thinking about goals for the year, I kept coming back to that idea. What if I could apply the same approach to the rest of my life? What if, instead of resenting the things I “have to do,” I tried to approach them with appreciation for what they add — to my family, my work, or myself?
Before I go any further, I should say this: I am very imperfect. I get road rage. I’m wildly disorganized. I get overwhelmed easily. This has been (and continues to be) a practice, not a personality overhaul. I still feel resentment sometimes, and I still lose patience — especially for the slow walkers in the middle of a Costco aisle. I'm just a person.
That said, here are a few things that have helped me over the past year. I’m not exaggerating when I say this mindset shift has changed my life and made our family life better, too. Not all of these will work for everyone, but I highly recommend experimenting and making your own list.
What’s Helped Me
1. I hired out a few things I simply can’t handle.
I am never going to be someone who stays on top of chores. This has been a financial sacrifice, but the peace and freedom it’s given me has been completely worth it. We have someone clean our house twice a month and someone pooper-scoop (we have two big dogs!) once a week. It doesn’t solve everything, but it makes a huge dent. I have also increasingly relied on my kids to help my pack up patterns so I am getting more time sewing.
2. I trusted other people more often.
This one is hard because I am a mega control freak and would love for everyone to magically know what I need without being asked. Trusting others has meant giving my kids more responsibility — and accepting that they won’t do things perfectly. It also meant helping my daughter work through her anxiety about driving until she was comfortable getting herself to and from school. That took a lot of repitition (so many practice drives back and forth!), but we finally got there, and the freedom it created for all of us has been huge.
3. I looked for humor where I usually found stress.
This meant unfollowing some accounts on Instagram and intentionally seeking out ones that made me laugh. It also meant joking around more with my family and making laughter part of our everyday home life.
4. I tried harder to see situations from the other person’s point of view.
I’ve always thought I did this, but I became more intentional about it — especially as I started walking my kids through the same exercise. When my daughter dealt with someone at school who regularly said unkind things, we talked about the possibility of unseen stress or struggles in that person’s life. I also try (with mixed success) to apply this to my road rage.
5. I noticed that when I entered situations with love, I often got love back.
It would be nice if someone else were kind first, wouldn’t it? I stopped waiting for that and tried to lead with kindness and positivity instead. More often than not, people responded in kind — and over time, it’s made interactions easier for everyone involved.
6. I thanked people for what they did, even when I felt like I did more.
When I was in college, I moved out of a shared apartment because I felt like I was always cleaning up after my roommates. Once I lived alone, I realized something uncomfortable: the mess didn’t magically disappear. These days, my goal is to give what I can, even if it sometimes feels uneven. In response, the people in my house tend to step up more often when I really need help.
7. When I was grumpy, I said so — and took space.
Sometimes I told my family I needed space and locked my door. And I tried to give others that same grace when they were grumpy. I like to solve problems immediately, but sometimes there isn’t a problem — I’m just in a bad mood.
8. We made time to be together every day.
Toward the end of the year, we started having a short family devotional before bed. We have not missed a single day. Spending a few minutes together talking about goals and intentions has been surprisingly grounding. Even the dogs love it.
9. I slept more.
This is going to be my main goal for 2026: better, more consistent sleep. It turns out that nearly everything feels more manageable when you’re well rested.
I could keep going, but we’re all in different seasons of life, and not every idea applies to everyone. I think the real takeaway is this: making a conscious effort to feel more love and less resentment is a powerful first step — and it goes a long way.
One important disclaimer: none of this means making peace with being treated poorly. Love and empathy don’t require self-sacrifice at the expense of your well-being.
Kay Patterson on
Thank you for sharing this. ❤️❤️❤️. It means so very much to me. And the big bonus for me was noticing your center squares on the Remy quilt. I already have the pattern AND the panel for the centers. Think I might start that next!!!
Jo on
I think what you have written applies to us all. We all strive for perfection but is it ever obtainable? Then we feel like we have failed when we can’t achieve simple goals. I have learned that a small win is still a win. Do your best, and like you said spread more kindness and when we are kind it opens our eyes to the kindness we often overlooked in others.
Chantal on
I could have written this post. Okay not really because I don’t have a pattern business (but a full-time job) and I don’t have 2 dogs (but 2 cats) but I do have 3 kids, a husband and a huge house which is my pain more than theirs to keep clean. I can relate to your angst against everyday chores that don’t get done by family members without me begging. I do get impatient waiting in line at the cash register because someone decided to pay with quarters and dimes. I have learned not to go to busy stores during my lunch break. I have learned not to get frantic behind the wheel because moving slower than I want makes me save money. I don’t have to pay for a speeding ticket. Ha! I am still working on accepting the fact that, to my family, my quilting addiction is not their priority. I’ll get a fix when I get a fix is all I can say. But I do skip the dishes because they (3 boys + a husband) dirty more dishes than I do, lol, and I have to cook most of everything they eat. With age comes wisdom they say, or maybe it’s life’s learned lessons (finally) that make me less aggressive. I wouldn’t say submissive but I can accept some annoying things more gracefully now (well, so it looks on the outside). Learning from teachers in school was the easy part; learning from life itself is on a totally different level. The fact that you question yourself and you see the habits you don’t like and want to change them, shows us what a good person you are. Some people would never admit that they have something they need to change or need to grow up as a person. Bravo for voicing yours. And may you find, in the New Year, a new you you love to look at in the mirror.
Keep up the great work. ;^)
Marti Cote on
Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your vulnerabilities. It’s comforting to know we are not alone. Happy New Year!
Jill on
Thank you for sharing.
Happy New Year!
Melanie B on
Thank-you for this post. It is such a great reminder that what we see on social media is not all there is to a person! We all have things we are not great at, so as I am entering a new era in my life (caring for aging in-laws). It is a reminder that I can outsource activities that I am not good at or dread. I am also resolving to get better quality sleep in my life in 2026.
Robby on
Thank you. Nothing here we don’t know if we pause before we react, but what a great reminder to pause and give space to others (or take it for ourselves on those grumpy occasions). Good thoughts as we look to a fresh year.
connie gelfer on
Thank you for sharing. It is especially difficult to stay at an even steady mood with everything going on in the world, but I am trying to keep balanced personally so I can function. Sleep and activity is essential. Quilting is a great outlet and escape!
Tonya on
Thank you Erica. I don’t think I could run a home business with 3 kids and 2 dogs. You gave me inspiration, positive thoughts and good ideas. Keep it up.
Donna Talley on
Oh this was wonderful! I often feel overwhelmed and resentful simply because of other chores, responsibilities, even family obligations seem to overtake time I may finally have to sew/create. Which then in turn makes me
Feel guilty. I have a lovely life, husband I adore and a sweet little family with six beautiful grandbabies. What’s not to be overjoyed about, right? I often think about hiring a house cleaning service just to allow me more time and flexibility. Often I feel rushed, over committed and sometimes taken for granted. Thank you for sharing your heart and being real! I love all the work you do…every design is unique and beautiful.
Sheila Bova on
Wow! What an inspirational message! Thanks for being so open and honest with the quilting community you have created. Know that you are not alone and your words have struck a chord in many of us. I too am trying to be positive in everything I do. Praying for you and your family. Looks like you found the sweet spot. Looking forward to what’s next! Happy New Year.
Kate Dolan Brown on
Beautifully written Erica. I know you struck a chord with many people sharing your honest feelings and efforts to see/do things differently. Thank you. Your attitude inspires me.
Deb on
Erika, you just made my morning! This is, for me, the time of year for reflection, and I find the kinds of changes you outlined much more profound in the end than the lofty ones that often get titled Resolutions. Sometimes our family plays a little game of sorts when someone does something infuriating: Let’s make up a story about what’s going on with that person that could possibly have caused then to [pull out in front of us, take that box of oatmeal from someone else’s cart, etc.] Sometimes our stories have to be really contrived to adequately explain why they would do it, but the outlandish stories still have the effect of helping us laugh as well as stretch our empathy muscles. Oh, and I am the Costco shopper you want to get around, sorry. I am a reflective, analytical thinker who needs to survey all the choices, then do a strengths/limitations analysis of each LOL. But I do try to pull over to the side of the aisle. (Give your daughter my congratulations on her driving accomplishments! That’s huge!))
Dorothy on
Thank You (we have similar “problems—-road rage, blocked grocery store aisles” :-)
Trish P on
This was just what I needed to read today! Thanks for being so open and honest :)
What is the quilt pattern you have a picture of after #5? It looks like a great project for 2026!
Blessings to you and yours, Trish